i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The ass gains better be worth it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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