he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
