Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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