We named our party play list daddy issues
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
