Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
