i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
