i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
