I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Found your dick twin last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize