AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
