you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he laminated a picture of his dick.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
