Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
