Your mouth is God's brothel.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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