oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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