It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize