also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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