Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
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