Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
