i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
