Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
