Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
