Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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