Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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