...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
