i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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