Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
