shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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