There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
