is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
