I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
