her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
