I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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