Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
As shirtless as possible
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
