just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
