i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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