He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
