Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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