Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
