This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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