I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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