just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
