Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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