My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
