Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
