Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
