do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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