Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The best revenge is premature balding
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
