worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
