she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Randomize
