well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
