Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
