I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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