You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
