need another drink. this is the easiest way
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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