my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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