Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
