Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
