Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
