Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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