I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
