According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
