You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
