I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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