Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
