she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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