I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
