my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
