you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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